Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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