I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
