I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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