bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
