I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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