Can i not drive my cunt home
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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