Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
