Kareoke will never be a sober sport
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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