The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i think i just lost a toe
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