So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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