I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My dick has a subreddit
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
