I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
