my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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