soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
