Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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