walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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