I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
