You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
