I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
