yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
