Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
