There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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