just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
