I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
