If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
