You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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