im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
