I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
