someone threw a dead crab at me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
