if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
