Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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