420 ftw
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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