She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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