I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
