They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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