Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
