in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
