ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
