Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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