I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
