I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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