you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it penis luge time yet?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My life is pants optional.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
