This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
