So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
