Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
