If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
