hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
