i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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