every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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