She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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