i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
