____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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