The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
